Have you ever thought about the friendships that have shaped your life? Throughout my life I have had some great friends. I remember one friend in particular from my young motherhood phase of life. I was heartbroken when her husband got a new job and they moved to another state. She was my go-to friend at that time in my life. The ache in my heart was like a hole. For a while we made attempts to keep our friendship going but it was difficult as she did not drive so that meant I had to be the one to always go to her new home for a visit. Eventually the friendship fizzled out.

I was initially really disappointed about this change. I later acknowledged that just because our friendship was no longer in the spotlight it had held a purpose in my life, when I needed that friend. We met at the pool in our condo complex. She had a baby boy and I had two young daughters. She was a stay-at-home mom. I worked a full-time job. We had similar interests and senses of humor.

I had always thought that adult friendships were meant to last forever. This was a very naive belief on my part. Life changes, people change. Things are always fluid. Her son developed health problems so that became a huge focus for her. We supported one another through life’s ups and downs. When she told us that they would be moving we offered to help with the move. I helped her pack. My husband helped put furniture and boxes into the moving truck. We all then journeyed to the new apartment to begin the unloading process.

I have been lucky to have a group of friends I met the first time I went to college for an associate’s degree in liberal arts. This group has been a lifesaver at many points in my life–we have all helped each other move; we have been there for weddings, funerals, baby showers, and holiday parties; and supported each other through phone calls, cards, and texts. We can go a long time between visits but pick up right where we left off at the last visit. These friendships are like none other in my life. At this point we have been friends for 40 years!

I have many people I would call acquaintances. These are the friends from work or through groups or extended family. Yes, I am friendly with them, yet they are not the people that I hang out with all the time. Some of them will undoubtedly become regular friends. I have found since moving to TX that it has been more difficult than I expected to fill the void left by that special group of friends I left back in New England.

And, best friends, well I have one back in NH. She is the one person who was almost always available to hang out on a whim. It has been really difficult not being able to call and to say “Let’s go to dinner.” Sometimes I text her just to say I want to go out for Mexican food at my favorite restaurant back home. She will reply, “I wish we could.” I don’t know if it is because of my age (I am older than many of my co-workers) or just because people already have their established friendships but making new friends that fit into the holes in my life has not happened. It makes me sad. I am often lonely.

My husband and I have made friends with a couple from the car club of which he is a member. If you are part of a couple you probably have experienced trying to befriend another couple. Sometimes it really works but a lot of the time not all four people sync. This newer friendship has been a lot of fun. We laugh a lot with this couple, always coming away from a visit with smiles on our faces. We have made several weekend trips with them, exploring parts of this giant state and beyond. I am excited to see what adventures await us in 2023.

Enjoy the friendships you have. Nurture them. Understand that not all connections will last forever but that does not decrease the meaning you derive from them while you are in the midst of them.