Back at the beginning of February, I wrote a post about caring for elderly parents. Today I want to talk about caring about elderly parents. You see, my father is dying. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but sometime soon. He got home from the hospital about a week after I posted that last blog about elderly parents. Since that time he has gotten weaker, not wanting to eat much, is no longer mobile, and has palliative care from Hospice. A few days ago they started him on morphine for his pain. I am a nurse, and I know what this means, especially for an 88-year-old man.

My sister gives me updates because she lives near my dad and does her best to see him as much as possible. This is emotionally and physically tiring for her. I wish I could be there to take some of the burdens from her, but that is not to be. There are some private family dynamics that keep me at a distance. This is mostly to protect me from heartache. That may sound selfish to some people. To me, it is a part of self-care that I have made the decision to follow. I have shared these thoughts with family members. They are supportive and understanding.

Holding On

I had a great childhood with lots of fond family memories. Things changed when I got out of college and my parents divorced. You would think that having parents divorce when you are a young adult would be easier but it came as a shock. My relationship with my dad changed at that time. As I got older, married, and had my daughters I felt further and further removed from my dad. He remarried and that became his focus family.

My dad and I finally came to an understanding and cleared the air the same year I moved to Texas. I felt hopeful that I would have my dad back in my life in a more meaningful way. At that point, he was no longer traveling so he has never been to see me in my new state. I made it a point to see him each time I flew home. Then COVID hit which halted my visits. It has now been a year and a half since I last saw my dad in person. I am resigned to the fact that I will not have the opportunity to see him again.

Peace

I hope that my dad is at peace during his transition. I have never been with a person as they die. I have heard from others that it is a profound experience. I do follow a hospice nurse online. I like hearing her stories of being with patients during their final days. She is calm and enlightening. How ironic that I have just begun to watch her videos over the past few months.

We care about our elderly parents. It seems ingrained in most of us, despite strained relationships or geographical distances. Birth and death are significant life events that pull at us like the waves of the ocean.

I hope that if you have experienced the loss of a parent or are in the midst of that journey you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with someone. Talk it out. Don’t keep it in. There will be someone who understands.

And, to my dad. I have always loved you despite our differences. May you find peace and happiness. Until we meet again.